8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
