ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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