The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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