You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
