Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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