We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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