the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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