Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
