I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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