Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
