need another drink. this is the easiest way
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
