Your face is a jimmy john
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
