I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
