YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Where did you get a picture of my penis
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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