god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
