Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
