dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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