The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
