This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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