I need help removing her.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
