I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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