Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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