Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
