he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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