I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He felt like a one man threesome
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
