WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
