Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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