You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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