He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
