I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
