Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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