I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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