I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
too bad you live with your parents still
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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