The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
