Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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