Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
