Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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