All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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