Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
