dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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