Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
