Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
