I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
