you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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