I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
