She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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