I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
