If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
