Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
