I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
