Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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